Wednesday, December 24, 2008


Yesterday, there was this incredibly aggravated woman at yoga class. Jenny, I think it was….. not a frequent flyer, I bet, tense as hell, with a peak nose and messy bleached hair. She jumped a rant on the unfortunate instructor, right at the door after class. The girl who taught that day had a soft, dreamy voice and a pleasant disposition, and I guess it’s natural that she was mistaken for a therapist.
Jenny’s angry because her friend blew her off to hang out with her boyfriend. And, like, she hangs out with her boyfriend all the time. Jenny asks her friend if she has five minutes, but she does not, because she’s hanging out with her freaking boyfriend.
“Well,” says the soft instructor, “sometimes when people find each other and really like each other, it overwhelmes them a lot”.
“But, like,” says Jenny, “I’m not like that with my boyfriends. Of course, the guys I’ve dated have all been assholes, but…”
“Someone for you will come along…” the yoga instructor croons, in an attempt to interrupt no doubt.
“- Yeah, but I don’t want my boyfriend to be hanging out with me all the time you know. I’d like him to have his own friends, you know?”
“Yeah, friends are good,” the instructor says with a sigh.
“One day, though, I’d like to get married. But it’s just so annoying now because all my friends are hanging out with their boyfriends, and it’s like ‘where’s my guy?’, ‘why aren’t you dating anyone’, you know?”
“Yeah,” the instructor says sweetly, “I’m sure that will happen for you one day, and you’ll meet someone like that. Just remember that these things take time, and relax in the meantime; it will happen.”
“I guess,” says Jenny, “I’m just so mad at my friends”.
“Well, they’re distracted…”
“Yeah, it just pisses me off.”

I’m glad she didn’t ask my opinion, though I was changing nearby. Most likely, I would have blurted out the following;
“Yeah, you’re probably annoyed because you’re buying into an oppressive gender binary based on sexual scarcity and competition. It weakens human connection with one another, and generally makes people feel helpless, bitter and cheated.”

This is why I would make a bad yoga teacher.

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