Ode to the Eternal, the Divine, and the Ridiculously Awkward

“I think,” you said, “that I’m obsessed with the word ‘awkward’. Everything is awkward. Every – fucking - thing. Is SO awkward.”

“I know. I know.”

“I mean ever. Like this time at the end of last year, in chorus, I brought my camera and we were all taking pictures and I ask Mr. Wren if he’ll take a picture with me. And he’s says “ok, Mike- come sit on my lap!” Come sit on my lap! – Wha- what was I supposed to do? So I did. And it was awkward.”

“Ha-ha! That is quite awkward”.

“Sooo awkward. Or just a couple hours ago, I was talking to this girl in my math class. And I wanted to say, “I really like your sunglasses!” Except I was kinda tired so it came out, “I really want sunglasses! I said this staring right at her. In her face. I just walk up to her, and say “I really want sunglasses”

I must have burst out laughing- “Smooth”.

“Totally”.

“What did she say?”

“She responded with the appropriately you're-kinda-weird look. I explained myself”.

“As proper.”

“Indeed”.

I reflect on this. Paused. “These are the awkward years”.

“What?!?”, you laugh, “No, no, no they’re not. Those already happened. I think we’re just really, really, really awkward”.

“Everyone’s awkward”.

“Maybe, but we’re really awkward. I think you're the most awkward person I know.”

“Ok, I am not that awkward”.

“Um. That's a lie?”

“How awkward can I be?”

“Just...a lot of awkward. Remember tenth grade, when Mrs. Farese wrote the reflexive property on the board, and asked what it meant?”

“yeah…”

“And you raised your hand and she called on you, and you said, “x=itself!”

“It does! What’s so weird about that?’

“It was just so not the right answer. And you said it in just a ridiculously pretentious philosophy voice like x was having an identity crisis or something”.

“It probably was.”

“Lies.... You should have seen the look on Mrs. Murray's face....it was just SO awkward"- you crack up, again, "You had to have been there.”

“I was there!”

“No, no you weren’t”.

We walked on. “Yeah,” I agreed, “That is awkward”.

“Isn’t it? It’s my response to everything now. Anything happens, I just kind of shrug and say, ‘oh….that was awkward’”.

“Yeahhh”.

“Yeah”.

"So true". I think we paused here, before you said;

"....Imagine if I was a lifeguard... and someone started to drown... I really think I'd just sorta stand there and say, "This is SO awkward" (you were laughing your ass off at this point).... yeah. I also think if we jumped into the ocean, and you hit your head on a rock and didn't come up or something, I would just sorta tread water for a second and think, 'hmm, that was awkward'".

"Wow! wow....you would do that".

"... I know"